Monday, March 30, 2009

Kids, Darndest Things, Etc.


Scene: Driving Maia to a party
Starring: Maia
Supporting role: Me

Maia is very, very excited because she is going to a swim party.

Maia: (Sigh.) Maybe Kaden will be there. He and Claire are friends, maybe he will be there too. Oooo, I'm so excited! I can't wait to get there! Drive faster, Mama, but DON'T run any red lights and DON'T run into people. (Imperiously) If there's a car in front of you, wait until it goes!

Me: Alrighty then!

Maia: (Sigh.) Is this a dream?

Silence for a beat.

Maia: Is this a dream, because it's so sunny?

Me: You think you're in a dream because the sun is out?

Maia: Yeah. I think I'm going to rub my eyes now because I think this is a dream and I'll see if I wake up. (Pause.) Nope! It really IS this sunny!


John is charged with cleaning the bathroom. I go out and run a few errands. I come home and smell aftershave, which is odd -- even though I know Matt is home, he'll be working later, so there's no reason for him to shave. John comes bouncing out of the bathroom, dressed in flannel pants and a pirate bandanna on his head, and shirtless, and looking guilty.

Me: Hey. How's it going with the cleaning?

John: Um. Good. Um.

Me: You about done?

John: Um. Yes. I scrubbed the sink and the toilet, and, um, took the towels downstairs, and swept the floor. Yeah.

Me: Did Dad shave?

John: No.

Me: Were you messing with the aftershave? Did you put some on? I can smell it.

John (heaving shoulders): UM. Mom? Um, I think I made a bad choice.

Me: Which is?

John (deep breath, then speaks very quickly): Well, um, when I was done cleaning, I got out Dad's aftershave and wiped down the bathroom with it so it would smell nice. (Holds breath, bites lip.)

Me: Uh. Really?

He nods.

Me: Oh. Well. Don't do that again.


Me: That's OK! Just...don't do it again.

By Mennen.


  1. Do you get the "too sorry" thing a lot? I feel like I must be a raging lunatic sometimes for how sorry my son gets about things sometimes. It's like, chill out, man.

  2. YES! All the time! And that's exactly how I feel, too. He goes off and I'm thinking, am I really out of bounds here? Should *I* be sorry? Wait, no, he's the one who painted the bathroom with aftershave, not me.

  3. "I think I made a bad choice."

    Love the whole scene.