Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Skunk'd

We always said Gorm was a country dog, but deep down I always wondered. He has the big floppy ears, the overactive tail, the big smile when he runs, the huge paws for running over snow or through a pond. But sometimes, en repose, he would have a faraway, almost aristocratic look -- the Doberman in him heard ice in a tumbler of whisky, or perhaps his Shepherd blood caught a German accent, long forgotten.

The voice we use for Gorm is unmistakably Gormy -- eager, silly and not very smart. Everything is amazing to Gorm, when we talk for him. "A walk? REALLY? A piece of paper? REALLY? Grass? REALLY? Wind? REALLY?" and so on. But again, I sometimes had the feeling that inside, he was feeling sorry for his high-bred self because he got stuck with such classless, ill-suited owners, or else he was pondering intergalactic physics and proving the Theory of Relativity before eating part of a rotting deer carcass and barfing it up, just for fun.

Well, chalk another one up for "REALLY?" Gorm got a skunk today. Or rather, a skunk got him.

At first, when he came inside, my nose didn't say "skunk." My nose said "OH MY GOD WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO COOK WILD ONIONS AND PIECES OF TIRES IN RANCID BEAR FAT IN MY BEDROOM?" It was that bad. But then I put my face close to his wriggling, happy body, and yup, it all became painfully clear.

I've scrubbed him down with hydrogen peroxide and baking soda and soap, but he still stinks. Tomato juice is a myth; any other suggestions?

11 comments:

  1. Chanel No. 5?

    As if Matt doesn't have enough in his life to make him sneeze!

    Best of luck deskunking your hound,

    Kris

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  2. Sheena2:26 AM

    "Tomato juice is a myth"

    Were you perhaps thinking of lemon juice? Because that's a standard recommendation for destinking a microwave; not sure about deskunking a dog.

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  3. Actually, tomato juice isn't a myth, but you have to completely drench him, and LEAVE IT ON for a few hours. Rinse. Then repeat as needed. (fyi - if there are any light coloured parts of him, they will be pink - you should have seen my friend's border collie!)

    Also, and this is creepy but vet-recommended - vinegar and water douche (think Massengill).

    Poor Gorm! Poor you! Good luck.

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  4. No, I was thinking of tomato juice. But Canada is right -- you have to leave it on forever, as I've found out from extensive Web research.

    He smells OK now -- when he was still wet, he was stinky, but he's much better now. All hail peroxide and baking soda -- the miracle cleaner for ANYTHING!

    And...a douche? I mean, I know he's not-so-fresh, but...he's a boy dog!

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  5. But if you went with Massengil, think of the blog fodder!

    C'mon, Krup! Consider your readers!

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  6. Does intent and packaging make it a douche? Or is it orifice?

    *squirms*

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  7. I have heard that douche works well, but only because of the vinegar. So my suggestion would be a white vinegar bath, but if he smells better, you don't need to.

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  8. Here I was going to suggest Febreeze....

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  9. Wow. Talk about "emotion memory". When I was a kid, our dog got skunked at least once a year. We once resorted to "Emeraude". I kid not. That stuff could outstink anything.
    Cause I'm a wooooman...

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  10. Oh man, perfume on a dog. You know the stuff's toxic if you can use it on a dog. :p

    OK, I was thinking last night -- were douches recommended so I could POUR it on the dog? With the white vinegar? Not actually ADMINISTER it? I'm feeling slightly laughed-at, here.

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  11. Dear God, yes, POUR it on him!

    shudder

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