Monday, December 12, 2005

Shit Happens

Gorm has been out of sorts lately. He limps on his front left paw and hadn't eaten in days. His nose was dry and hot. He was lethargic and, most distressingly, wasn't interested in trolling the counter for crumbs.

I took him to a new vet last week. It was disconcerting. Our old vet, a large-animal doctor, chain smoked and wore stained shirts. He looked like Wilfred Brimley's younger brother who dropped out of high school. Every time we went in, he had a different 21-year-old female assistant. We wouldn't take our kids to see him, but he was great with Gorm.

The new vet works in what is much more like a real doctor's office. A vet assistant came in and got all our information before the doctor saw us. Everything was clean. He wore a tie. Gorm drooled with anxiety.

After a preliminary exam, the vet figured Gorm had a broken claw that was giving him trouble. Because Gorm is such a chicken, the vet was having trouble looking at it, so he gave Gorm a mild sedative.

As the vet educated me about the gum disease Gorm has, Gorm slumped to the floor and lost control of his tongue. The vet knelt down and checked the paw again, then began trimming Gorm's claws. I could tell Gorm wasn't crazy about it, but he also couldn't do anything about it, either.

Except, unfortunately, relax.

It turns out that the painful paw wasn't what was making Gorm lethargic and unhappy. It was the colitis, coloiditis, or whatever that he picked up from eating who knows what at our new place. In any case, what happened next was multiple cases of noisy, explosive canine diarrhea in near-legendary amounts.

The vet took it quite well.

I looked at the clock and found that -- well, how about that! -- it was time for me to head for work, so I called Matt to drive in and take over for me. How lucky for Matt! How lucky he is!

Matt took home a pricey amount of special food, medicine and Immodium. He also took home a staggering, slobbering 90-pound baby with potential incontinence.

It's not a good reason for not blogging, but I thought it was a good story anyway.


  1. In hindsight (no pun intended), I think "Colors" and "Shit Happens" could have been one entry.

    Now, this doesn't happen to beagles, does it? No, I'm sure it doesn't. *whew*

  2. Poor, poor Gorm.

    We love our vets. Love them. The one we see more regularly always takes Muggle back to the lab area to show him off for all of the techs. I guess there's a substantial group of vet techs there with a particular fondness for black, long-haired cats. Even Quid likes that vet.

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