Monday, October 18, 2004

Meditation on Ice

I've started doing some yoga. Nothing serious, just 20 minutes' worth of poses and breathing. I do that and some tai chi stuff during the PBS blast the kids get after lunch and before quiet time. I'm enjoying it very much, and can almost touch my toes again.

Maia came in and joined me today, counting breaths with me and inhaling loudly when I did. She tried a Warrior Pose and laughed when she fell down. She sat and reached her toes without effort, and counted by twos out loud. When I drew tai chi shapes in the air, she waved her whole upper body, delighting in the way gravity worked with her and against her.

The hardest thing for me, though, is the Corpse Pose. I lie on the floor, totally relaxed, and turn my mind toward five or ten minutes of meditation. It's difficult to do at the end of Teletubbies in the next room, of course. But even when it's quiet, I have a hard time stilling my mind.

I am on a huge frozen lake at night. The full moon hangs in the sky. I am wearing ice skates. I push off, and as I push, I feel the ice under my foot bend and break. As I skate, the crack in the ice follows me, trying to catch up to my skates. I push faster and hope to stay ahead of it so I don't fall in the freezing water. I keep my eyes on the moon and the stars as I skate

That's how I feel when I'm meditating. Meditation, for me, is feeling like I'm moving forward. If I think about meditating, I'll fall into the black water behind me. It's almost like a dream -- once you notice something, it dissolves. I'm not sure if that's how I'm supposed to feel when I'm meditating, or if it will change as I get more adept to it.

Meditating during quiet time, AFTER Teletubbies, might help, too.

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