Monday, September 27, 2004

People Who Smell Shouldn't Vote

I've been sitting on this for a few days, wondering how to do it the most justice. I'm thinking my best bet would be to just throw it up there and let it speak for itself.

This is a sign distributed by the Minnesota Secretary of State Mary Kiffmeyer to all county auditors. She's asked the auditors to have copies of this memo displayed at polling places on election day. Here are some of the highlights, if it's difficult for you to read:

Behavior of a homicide bomber:
• May appear nervous, unresponsive (blank stare) or pre-occupied [sic].
• May show lack of mobility; torso appears stiff.
• Shaved head or short hair (for "purification" purposes).
• Smell of unusual herbal/flower water or perfume (again for "purification" purposes).
• Demonstrates forceful actions (pushes through a crowd to reach a desired target)
• May be seen praying fervently to himself/herself, giving the appearance of whispering to someone.

It also suggests reporting to your local law enforcement if you see a "vehicle riding low on springs or resting low in the rear."

So, to recap: Look confident about voting, whether you think your vote will be counted or not. Pay attention only to voting, nothing else. Do some stretches before going to vote to improve flexibility. Hide your rock-like abs.
Don't get your hair cut before voting. No funny smells. Don't act like you know where you're going, although see above and try to look confident about it. No talking to yourself. I mean it! And leave the Newport with the hydraulics at home.

Special thanks to New Patriot for the heads-up and the shot of the poster itself. Bookmark it if you haven't already.


  1. Lolz...sometimes the government has its own brand of humour!!!

  2. Your link to the New Patriot doesn't work...

  3. It's all better now. Note to self: Check links after publishing!