Norm Coleman, the junior and Republican senator from Minnesota, has stepped up lead a "Truth Squad" that will keep an eye on the scary Democrats at the convention next week.
This "Truth Squad" consists of him, Saxby "I Hate War Heroes" Chambliss (R-Ga.) and John "Women Are Just Like Box Turtles" Cornyn (R-Texas). Is your head exploding yet? If it hasn't, it will.
Coleman says he will focus on Kerry's "flip-flops." Wait, wasn't Norm Coleman the head of Bill Clinton's reelection campaign in Minnesota? Yes, yes he was!
Wait, where did this quote come from? "Paul Wellstone is a Democrat, and I am a Democrat, but I stand before you today much like the 20 to 30 percent of this convention's delegates who call themselves pro-life, or pro-business, pro-jobs, pro-economic growth, to proudly proclaim my support for President Bill Clinton and Sen. Paul Wellstone." Why, that was then-mayor Norm Coleman at the 1996 DFL convention! He got booed, though. Wonder why.
Six months later he -- wait for it! -- flip-flopped and became a Republican. And that's when his little gold star began to rise.
He wanted to run for governor, originally. But then Dick Cheney came to town and said, "No, wait! Coleman, you run for U.S. Senate. We've got cuddly Tim Pawlenty to run for governor." And Norm Coleman, who attacked Wellstone for voting straight against every single Bush hobbyhorse, jumped right up and said, "Yes please! Yes sir! I won't rubber-stamp 'no' on everything from the president like mean old Wellstone! I'll consider each and every think on its own merit. I won't be any kind of rubber stamp at all!"
Sheesh. We see how you are.
And now the Party of Sweetness and Light is going to trash the unspoken agreement that you lay low during the other party's convention. Three lapdog lackeys will be watching every move at the Democratic Convention, drooling for a chance to jump up and say, "Flip-flop! Flip-flop!" like a goddamn parrot.
Norm Coleman, you are the biggest hypocrite and yes-man I've seen in a long time. I am embarrassed that you represent Minnesota. Your political ambitions and maneuverings are nakedly visible and are pathetic to behold. Look at what you're doing -- for a drop of approval from Bush-Cheney, you have agreed to be the attack dog in a despicable attempt to take every possible media minute away from Kerry. It makes your party look desperate, and it makes you look like a craven asshole. For God's sake, be your own man.